Fatal Flaw

She closed her eyes and leaned her weary head on the door, her back up against it, seeking the little support she could get from the inanimate barrier between her and her vulnerability. He had given up the incessant knocking and apologizing, and she didn't know if he still stood there, waiting for her to give in as usual. This wasn't the first time, and she knew it won't be the last. She knew she deserved better. 

But was she to kill the dream that kept her going? The canvas of the perfect future she had painted him into along with herself haunted her the second she rested her swollen eyelids. To be disappointed was a daily routine of her life now, to the extent that she wondered if she should perhaps abandon expectation altogether and let herself believe that it couldn't possibly get better. Contrary to what her loved ones believed, it took not guts but suicide to take a knife to that precious canvas of hers. They wanted her not to give up hope, but to give up on it. And what would life mean without hope?

Perhaps she would wield that knife one day. But for now, she rubbed her eyes, smearing the last of the obstinate kohl that had not left her side yet, and reached for the knob.

Mini-Story

He opened his eyes and found himself in the arms of his mother, except that she looked different. Her blue sari was drenched in red, even though she didn't look wounded. Her eyes were swollen and red. The road he was lying on had, amongst broken glass, puddles of red. When he put his hands to his face, they came back to his lap red. Sirens were heard in the background, and as he craned his neck towards the sound, he saw a man, also covered in red, immobile, face down on the road. Men climbed out of the now-silent van and hurried to him, their white clothes getting stained in all the red. He finally spoke. "Mommy, where are they taking daddy?" The mother wiped her eyes and hugged her child, sobbing.

The Hypocrisy of Indian Food-Loving

'Anybody know of a good Italian place near Brigade, preferably pizza?' I'm not sure this guy even knew what he wanted. Pizza is a broad term that in this country usually has nothing to do with Italian cuisine. And I won't complain; have you ever tried the local ketchup version? Anyway, I didn't have a suggestion for him. Looking for something specific in India in terms of dining out, unless you're not broke, is literally rocket science. I mean, have you been to the food courts in our malls? You think for a second that you've finally found a cheap quesadilla stall, when boom! Out pops a paneer tikka-naan combo. You know, for the faint-hearted. You could even have fries with that. The point is, our restaurants refuse to commit to a specialty. In fact we will go far enough to Indianize the few dishes we do attempt. Ketchup pizzas ain't got nothing on tandoori sauce in a burger drowning in God knows what they put in that white thing they call mayo. Or tartar or ranch.

And that's perfectly okay. Unless you try to make it work the other way around. Take a deprived-of-Calcutta-rolls Bengali to the Kaati Zone here and watch with diabolical glee as he spits out his first bite while he yells 'Jogonno!' Observe the aunty at a kitty party recounting the horrors of her last night's dinner invitation nightmare at a south Indian home as she swears she tasted tamarind in the dal makhani. All this while they enjoy a bowl of chips and, oh wait, that's not salsa, is it?

We are very traditional people, okay, we take our cuisines seriously. Unless, you know, it's a cuisine we know nothing about. In that case, what the hell, throw in a little garam masala. I think it's just that we try too hard to please. Well, at least we're overt hypocrites about all of it. Now shut up and try this homemade cake already. It's eggless.

Republic Day 2013

What is different about today?

Well, for starters, it's the 26th of January and for the first time I am not in a patriotic mood. I haven't done my usual routines: finding an ethnic outfit of the colors of the flag, wake up early to watch the parade, watch Border or 1942 A Love Story... You know, all the usual things that I've grown up doing on this day of the year. My alarm did ring this morning, trying to wake me up to catch the live parade, but I shut it off mournfully and went back to sleep. I am dressed in purple. And no movies for me; I have to scrub the house clean all day so my mother, who is arriving early tomorrow morning, is not given a chance to find fault with my very first solo apartment setup. 

Today is different because I do not find a reason to celebrate. Today is different because I cannot watch the telecast that I normally love watching because I want to kick in the teeth of the smiling faces of the men and women in power who mock us everyday with their indifference. Today is different because while the troops make a big show of their artillery, the unjustified deaths of tortured soldiers go unnoticed. Because while sweet little girls dance and display our beautiful culture, rapists go unpunished. Today is different because for the first time in my rather country-loving life, I am a skeptic.

Frustration

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon, much like all Saturday afternoons. Not like weekends meant anything to her. She looked for a fitting spot for herself. 

I've got to find myself a better street, she thought to herself. The college street she frequented on most days was barricaded for some sort of a fest this weekend. What lives these kids have, she'd often muse as she watched them go by, their brightness lighting up the streets as they purposefully strutted down the familiar promenade towards each of their dream worlds in the future. They either seemed to know what they want or did not really care enough to want anything yet, she thought. They'll get there soon enough, she scoffed.

She turned her attention towards the street she was on right now, on this uneventful afternoon. She looked at the few men and women in suits who walked around with the look of temporary relief on their faces. Why weren't these people at home, I mean who works on Saturdays? She guessed at what each of these lost beings might be trying to escape from at home in the middle of a weekend. 

She wondered about her own situation as she began to set up outside the entrance to a near-empty cafe. The struggle she was going through didn't seem so different than those of others. She replayed her mother's words in her head and wondered if she really was the failure her mother said she was. Was wanting to do what makes you happy a crime? Did she not deserve to leave a mark in this world as somebody of her choice? Were these people with steady jobs any less confused than her?

She snapped out of it. She will have a real audience one day. But no path was complete without thorns, and she would do whatever it takes to get there. But for now, she must get out her pick and start strumming this guitar if she wants to get a head start. If nothing else maybe she would entertain these handful of depressed souls and leave a mark in their memory of this quiet Saturday. That is what musicians do, isn't it?

The Birth of Venus

My white walls of imprisonment slowly opened to the noisy world of anticipated hope. As I rose powerfully from their dreams, they yearningly looked to me, drinking me in like a rich velvety wine of the gods, with the bitter-sweetness of salvation. I heard their eyes cry out to me for help, and I smiled cruelly. The dark skies, unnoticed by the unsuspecting fools, resonated the sound of my vile thoughts. I longed for the smoke off their burning souls when they would taste the wrath of my vengeance. For love, they would find out soon, is the wreath of poison ivy that I would adorn on their vulnerable hearts, one from which they would never truly wake.

Lady of Shalott

I look around resignedly for last remnants of the hope that has betrayed me a million lives ago and left me for dead. The pristine calm of the river cuts violently into my sanity with its deafening stillness. My eyes, in midst of long, wild, unrestrained strands of flowing hair, slowly comb the banks for company amongst the suspicious cloaks of the trees that imprison my soul.  I could be saved by the slightest signs of movement, but even my boat, which lies still in the arms of death in its exasperating grandeur, has now abandoned its oars. The white of my gown laughs unaffectedly in the face of the imperfection that is my solitude. Time ceases to matter, for I am alone, and have perhaps always been so.

The relativity of the Absolute.

Three anxious pairs of eyes peered across the savannah from the wooden platform safely tucked into invisibility at a fierce masterpiece of nature as she stealthily slowed down to a crouched stop behind the tall grass. Beyond the grass, her own yellow eyes focused on the buffalo grazing at a distance that was large but oh, so temptingly attainable, that saliva formed at the edges of her mouth. Two hundred meters away, the buffalo meditated on chewing its greens pensively, oblivious to what the next two minutes had in store. 

Her muscles tensed up. Then, as if a silent gong of an inner auspicious timekeeper had gone off within her, the lioness sprung into action. The buffalo turned around to find clouds of dust rising as she went into full sprint, headed straight towards it. The buffalo made its move. The mouth of the lioness curled in anticipation as she went for her kill. Within seconds, the hunt was over.

Tucked away in the trees after having witnessed the kill, the first man uttered a silent prayer in his mind for the victim. He thought of the many crimes of morality that man commits, and of how salvation was nowhere to be found for those taking pleasure in the pain of others. The second man, fascinated by nature in action, wondered about the hunting abilities of the early homo sapiens, and if they could ever had met the grandeur with which this queen of the food chain did the task. The third triumphantly flexed his fingers, which were tired from rapidly catching the entire sequence on his camera, and thought gleefully, as he changed the lens, that he would make a killing with these gorgeous photographs. 

None of the reactions can be judged by another or considered either natural or unnatural. But perhaps the act of hunting by the lioness was the most natural thing in that moment. Whilst humans go to war about whose religion has the higher moral ground, animals thrive in nature with their simplistic goals. 

Change is inevitable, and has to be accepted eventually. In our world of complete, overwhelming relativity, our perpetual goal is to strive towards the Absolute, and until our own personal Absolutes tire of being relative, that goal will remain unattainable.