#MeToo

या देवी सर्वभुतेषु मातृरूपेण संस्थिता । 
नमस्तस्यै नमस्तस्यै नमस्तस्यै नमो नमः ॥

In the recent global phenomenon represented by the hashtag #MeToo, women (and some men) across the world have shared horror stories of sexual harassment and violence and have held their perpetrators accountable at a mass scale for the first time in history. Grown, successful, confident professionals came out with stories that they haven’t had the courage to share with even their own parents before now. While this is a wonderful and powerful movement that unites the world in an anger that, hopefully, will bring about some change in our society, it has also brought to surface a terrible, terrible truth: women are often women’s worst enemies.

As a part of this movement, the Everyday Sexism Project based in the UK set Twitter ablaze with the viral hashtag #WhenIWas, with the intention to expose how early children are exposed to sexual predation. The stories pouring in made it clear that the majority of women have been inappropriately touched even before they hit their teenage years. But what was more alarming was the number of stories that placed blame on the victims’ mothers, who chose to side with the predator over believing their own children.

There is no betrayal greater than that of a parent actively refusing to protect her or his own child. But consider what cultural conditioning could have led to the seriously disturbing societal tendency of women putting their men’s reputation and “needs” before the safety of their children. Research indicates that women are more vulnerable than men to being banished from society as a consequence of their actions; so when they feel threatened, they would rather conform with others, even at the cost of excluding someone else. We, as women, judge other women for their body type, their choices, their appearances, their beliefs – all because we are scared for ourselves. Patriarchy is so deeply instilled in our lives that we have been whitewashed for centuries into making the male approval our priority. Think of it as what the colonial British did to India – they got us to oppress each other, to fight each other, to hate each other. But it is time to put a stop to this.

Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step to solving the problem. Telling your daughter that she is no different than a son is not enough. Believe her when she tells you how she has been hurt, and be brave for her. Stand up for her. Defend your sisters. Empathize. Eventually, we want a world in which you aren’t forced to ask young girls to return home before dark because, unfortunately, it is just not safe for them. Eventually, we want a world in which parents teach their boys to respect girls as equals. But until we get there, use every little movement, every little opportunity, to stand up for each other, because we know exactly what the rest of us are going through – we’ve all had to go through it ourselves. Let’s not just worship Maa Durga – let’s find her in us.